The Story of Creation ( according to the Electrician's Bible)

[gnuuser]

with hindsight, God would have created electricians in his own image ( ooh, he did.) then he looked at other trades such a s wet-pants and spreads, he the gave them carte blanc to bollox up electricians work. who ever said that God did not have a sense of humour?

of course he has a sense of humor he created mosquito's!

 

[Colin Jenkins]

they will only take notice if their money trough dries up.

Then there was light in all the land. And lo! Harmonisation was banished. The 19th Edition was written - it was A5 size, easily carried to site and understood, with no GNs, OSGs or Commentaries needed. Red and black colours were seen again in the land. Those of the Strange Colours Clan were banished to the desert along with all the 5WWs. Earthing and bonding was made clear in one page of the 19th Edition and all the multitude understood. And the merchants were made to produce consumer units with dual-screw tunnel connections; cage clamps and putty-head screws were cast out under pain of eternal torment. Apprenticeships were brought back and the wisdom & skills of the elders were passed on to their younger. The DNOs were compelled to restore TNS to the great cities and guarantee the earth, as had been in the times before the great harmonisation disturbance. Henceforth, the electrical community prospered in peace and harmony.

 

[Pete999]

Then there was light in all the land. And lo! Harmonisation was banished. The 19th Edition was written - it was A5 size, easily carried to site and understood, with no GNs, OSGs or Commentaries needed. Red and black colours were seen again in the land. Those of the Strange Colours Clan were banished to the desert along with all the 5WWs. Earthing and bonding was made clear in one page of the 19th Edition and all the multitude understood. And the merchants were made to produce consumer units with dual-screw tunnel connections; cage clamps and putty-head screws were cast out under pain of eternal torment. Apprenticeships were brought back and the wisdom & skills of the elders were passed on to their younger. The DNOs were compelled to restore TNS to the great cities and guarantee the earth, as had been in the times before the great harmonisation disturbance. Henceforth, the electrical community prospered in peace and harmony.

And then in a flash of lightening and claps of horrendous noise You woke up, the wondrous dream you had, paled into insignificance as you tried to find your place in the 18th edition you were studying in order to pass the silly exams they make us do every couple of years, as the EIT run short of funding

 

[oracle]

And then in a flash of lightening and claps of horrendous noise You woke up, the wondrous dream you had, paled into insignificance as you tried to find your place in the 18th edition you were studying in order to pass the silly exams they make us do every couple of years, as the EIT run short of funding

And Pete lived in the land where his father had stayed, When his brothers saw that the NICEIC loved him, they hated him and could not Post a kind word to him on the Forum .

Pete had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. He said to them, “Listen to this dream I had: We were installing power to a shed out in the field when suddenly my 18th edition rose and stood upright, while your guidance notes gathered around my Regs and bowed down to it."

His brothers said to him, “Do you intend to employ us? Will you actually rule over us? And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said.

 

[Pete999]

And Pete lived in the land where his father had stayed, When his brothers saw that the NICEIC loved him, they hated him and could not Post a kind word to him on the Forum .

Pete had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. He said to them, “Listen to this dream I had: We were installing power to a shed out in the field when suddenly my 18th edition rose and stood upright, while your guidance notes gathered around my Regs and bowed down to it."

His brothers said to him, “Do you intend to employ us? Will you actually rule over us? And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said.

Can't make out if you're having a dig at me Mate, still very funny all the same.

 

[Pete999]

No I'll get into trouble.

 

[oracle]

Can't make out if you're having a dig at me Mate, still very funny all the same.

Not at all Pete you just looked so adorable in your Amazing Technicolor PPE dreamcoat!

 

[Pete999]

No I'll get into trouble.

Not at all Pete you just looked so adorable in your Amazing Technicolor PPE dreamcoat!

Well thanks for that Mate, very kind of you.

 

[telectrix]

And it came to pass that Moses tarried on the mountain, with only 1 tablet (the 1st. Edition, he fasted for 40 days and 40 nights till lo and behold, he was presented with the 2nd tablet (Amendment 1). Hastening down the mountain, Moses mounted his 650 cc motorbike to spread the word, and the sound of Moses' Triumph was heard throughout the land. On his return to the lost tribe , there was much rejoicing. They killed the fatted calf ( Sarah Ferguson) and a runner was dispatched to Walls of Jericho to make massive orders for ice cream. Later there was a great gnashing of teeth, as Walls had frozen the ice cream in liquid nitrogen to prevent it thawing in the hot desert sands. Meanwhile Satan ( Emma Clancy) prevailed with an alternative version of the tablets which unfortunately were scribed in gobbleygook and she was then banished to a cold place where an entire Roman legion was lost forever trying to fight off the heathen skirt wearers north of The Wall. By the grace of God, along came Pink Floyd and order was restored from chaos.

 

[Kamikaze]

Well, according to the bible and the book of Galatians. The unrighteous and unjust shall NOT inherit the kingdom of god.

The unrighteous and the unjust. I didn’t know who they were. But if you read Galatians it says:
Drunkards
The jealous
The angry
The In moral’s
Sexual deviators
Self abusers

Basically all those with a party spirit! I realised then that most sparkies are doomed. Let’s face it! Went out, got back, had a party, got drunk, got jealous, got angry, had some impure thoughts about smashing out the windows of Emma’s soul. That’s a quiet night in for us lot…lol

 

[Kamikaze]

The prophet Emma, having reproved the 5 week clowns for sins against sheds and the earth, threatened the judgments of the NICEIC against them, is here sent to them again upon another errand, which she must publish in the Professional Electrician & Installer magazine. The purport of it is to persuade them to fear her, which would be an effectual principle of their reformation, as the want of that fear had been at the bottom of their apostasy. She complains of the shameful stupidity, and their bent to backslide from the NICEIC, speaking as if she knew not what course to take with them. Their understandings were darkened by a big bang and rays of lightning. They are a foolish lot and without understanding. They apprehend not the mind of the NICEIC, though ever so plainly declared to them by the written word, by her prophets, and by her providence BS7671. They have eyes, but they see not, ears, but they hear not. None so blind as those that will not see. One would have thought that they took notice of things, and be like the electricians which they are made to worshipped, but really they did not. They had intellectual faculties and capacities, but they did not employ and improve them as they ought. Herein they disappointed the expectations of all their idols, who had excellent means of knowledge and concluded: Really they are a foolish lot and without understanding. We cannot judge of men by the advantages and opportunities they enjoy. There are those that sit in darkness in a land of light, that live in sin even on the internet, which is a slum at the best of times. Their wills are stubborn and unapt to submit to the rules of the divine law BS7671 which hurries them to that which is evil…etc, etc.

PS, I’m not saying Emma is god. All I know is I’ve never seen them on the forum together.

 

[ackbarthestar]

NICEIC put up a poor show on Part P when called to account at the committee stage. I'm amased they are still practicing IMO

 

[dmxtothemax]

And in the beginning was the I [ amps ]
And he said it was not good that I was alone
So he created the R [ ohms ] and therefore the E [ volts ]
And he saw that it was good now.

 

[oracle]

In the beginning the earth was null and void so the TT installation failed the EICR