Things an Electrician would never say

[lodmoorhill]

CUSTOMER: I've just rewired my house. I need you to do me a certificate.

SPARKS: Have you any type of qualification to carry out this work?

CUSTOMER: No.

SPARKS: Have you informed Building Control?

CUSTOMER: No.

Do you actually even have a copy of BS7671?

CUSTOMER: No.

SPARKS: Have you any experience of this type of work?

CUSTOMER: Well, I used to be an odd job man in Venezuela, so I know a bit about about wires and stuff.

SPARKS: Why didn't you say so before? Can't see any problem with that, I'll be round in 10 minutes with a certificate. Fifty quid cash sound o.k.?

 

[lodmoorhill]

So........, just to recap, you managed to clear the fault by cutting the "green and yellow bits" out of your entire lighting circuit? Have I got that right, Sir? What an inspired genius you are!

 

[Elmer BeFuddled]

"Let me get this straight. You want me to spend £15 in petrol to deliver you 4 cans of Carling? So whats in it for me? Oh I get to sort through the knicker drawer. On me way!!"

 

[AV-Nik]

Just Stretch the cable

 

[AV-Nik]

test it with your tongue, like a 9v battery !

 

[Elmer BeFuddled]

test it with your tongue, like a 9v battery !

RSPCA will have me for this but my dog saw me doing that, so he wanted a taste. The battery he licked was a good un!

 

[Kiers1970]

of course I trust tradesmen with Ryobi/Black and Decker/Green Bosch tools, come and work for me.

 

[MarkieSparkie]

of course I trust tradesmen with Ryobi/Black and Decker/Green Bosch tools, come and work for me.

We had a gay customer who insisted that because he was spending pink pounds all tradesmen had use the Makita pink range of power tools, the contract was substantial so the guvnor bought complete new kits for everybody and charged them to the client.

 

[Geordie Spark]

Yes Harness69 ... of course I'll e-mail you pictures of me meat & two veg.

 

[tidyboiler]

Yes Harness69 ... of course I'll e-mail you pictures of me meat & two veg.

Shall I send him my copies? :drool5:

 

[Geordie Spark]

Shall I send him my copies? :drool5:

Ye'd berra not pet !!!! :32:

 

[ian.settle1]

Ye'd berra not pet !!!! :32:

Who's a jealous boy then

 

[tidyboiler]

Who's a jealous boy then

Naaaaa, he's not really jealous just wary of me and my warped humour!!! :devil2:

 

[Kamikaze]

No... there's nothing wrong with your lights, fluorescents always hum when they can't remember the words.

 

[brycenesbitt]

"Yes [FONT=arial, sans-serif]ma'am, I do a spot 'o plumbing on the side, no worries"[/FONT]

 

[Hawk]

Just off for my tea break, the fire brigade should be finished when I come back!

 

[Kiers1970]

Do this rewire on day work? Off course it will take the same amount of time as if on price.

 

[macdee]

won't take you long its only a five minute job

 

[SafetyFirst]

Plumbers are top dogs, they deserve to be higher paid than us raggy arsed cable pullers!

 

[joe-sims]

meh is not smoking that much ....