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Discuss A new jokes thread for your amusement. in the Electricians Chat - Off Topic Chat area at ElectriciansForums.net

I see the U.S. will provide financial aid to Ukraine if the leaders confront corruption.
Because if anything stops corruption, it's bribing someone to stop corruption.
 
I've just been fired from my job as a Samaritan. A guy called in yesterday and said to me "I'm depressed and currently laying on the railway track waiting for the train to come."

Apparently "Remain calm and stay on the line." was the wrong response.



I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together; it was riveting.





I rang a suppository users helpline and they were very rude to me.



I was at the gym yesterday and I found a hole in one of my trainers big enough to put my finger in.
Apparently she objected, so I'm banned now!
 
This little boy goes up to his dad and he says "Dad?, What's the difference between Potentially and Realistically?" To which the father replies "Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then you ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then you ask your brother if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars." So the boy goes up to his mom and asks her if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars and the mother replies "Oh my god, of course I would, he is so good looking!" So the boy moves on and asks his sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and she replies "He is so ****ing fine, of course I would!" Then last but no least he goes up to his brother and asks him if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars, his brother says "Of course I would, who wouldn't for a million bucks?" So he goes up to his dad and says "I think I learned the difference between potentially and realistically" "Well what's the difference?" says the father. "Well, potentially we're sitting on 3 million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 ----- and a smoke!"
 
Frozen Crabs





























A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.


Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.


Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them.





Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.

2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think
 
A fat bird came smiling up to me in a nightclub, put her hand on my groin and said, "Have a guess what I want in my mouth tonight?"

"I...I...I don't know?" I stuttered.

"I'll give you a clue," she laughed, "It has four letters and begins with 'C'"

"Oh, that's easy," I said, looking her up and down, "Cake."
 
e7udypan.jpg
 

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