covering letter feed back plz?

[Shah.]

Dear Sir/Madam

I am submitting these documents in the hope of obtaining an Electrical Apprentice position with (company name) Company in order to pursue my career as an electrician and I have enclosed my CV for your consideration.

I have completed electrical PEO level 1 and also I have completed my 1st year of apprenticeship but however I need an employer as it is necessary to help me complete full apprenticeship to be skilled and fully qualified electrician. I have some training needed to be a great electrician and I am positive I can be a great asset to your electrical team.

I am highly responsible and committed towards work. I take direction well and understand that I am not ready to work on my own yet and that I need the guidance of an electrician who has more experience than I do. The time required to fulfil my obligation as an apprentice does not bother me and I am willing to continue on with the company after this period if need be.

If you require any further information please do not hesitate to contact me. I can be available for an interview at any time and look forward to hearing from you. Thank you for taking time to read my Covering letter and going over my CV.

Your sincerely
shah

 

[trev]

Shah, too much waffle and repeating the same stuff in different words mate.

I write in the hope of obtaining an Electrical Apprentice position with (company name) and I have enclosed my CV for your consideration.

As you will see, I have completed .....(list qualifications so far) and have gained some practical experience (if you have, if not miss that bit) working with...(list A COUPLE of employers as shown on your CV) and am very keen to commit myself to completing my training, I believe my attendance at evening classes on my own accord shows that.

I am highly responsible and committed towards work. I take direction well and understand that I am not ready to work on my own yet and that I need the guidance of qualified people.

If you require references please do not hesitate to contact me. I can be available for an interview at short notice (at any time makes people think you're sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring dressed in your best bib and tucker, you want to give the impression that you're out trying to make this happen). Thank you for taking time to read my Covering letter and going over my CV.

Your sincerely

electrical PEO level 1 and also I have completed my 1st year of apprenticeship
WTH is that and how can you have completed the first year of apprenticeship with no employer? That doesn't make sense.

The above isn't ideal but it's better than that load of auld cack you had. Keep it brief and to the point, if you waffle on your letter will go in the bin. Try having a trawl on the net for cv covering letters mate, there's bound to be some good ones out there.
Good luck.

 

[Pete999]

Shah, hope you don't mind but I have re-constructed your letter, please feel free to comment


To whom it may concern.

I am currently in the first year of an Electrical Apprenticeship, but require employment with an Electrical Contractor to enable me to complete the full term of an Apprenticeship.

I have completed the PEO level 1, I am totally committed to homecoming an Electrician, take advice and direction, as it comes.

I have enclosed my CV for your consideration, and look forward to hearing from you.

Yours Faithfuly
Shah

Short and to the point is all you need, your CV will cover anything else.
Pete

 

[trev]

There you go, 2 improved letters, (Pete's is better than mine but I'm younger and better looking so there!)

 

[Pete999]

There you go, 2 improved letters, (Pete's is better than mine but I'm younger and better looking so there!)

Thanks Trev got so used to writing letters during my time as a TU rep.

 

[telectrix]

There you go, 2 improved letters, (Pete's is better than mine but I'm younger and better looking so there!)

well. i'm older and uglier, but could not do better than that.

 

[Johnuk]

is it not quicker and cheaper to ring up companys

 

[Pete999]

is it not quicker and cheaper to ring up companys

Probably not, if I was a company director and I received a letter and a phone call from 2 different people I think I would chose the person who has, at least taken the time to put pen to paper, anda CV as well rather than someone just phoning up.

 

[Plonker 3]

Plus you can use the internet to find the name of a director or owner of the company and address it to them so at least you know it's going to be seen by someone with some input within the company.

 

[Pete999]

Gizza job Mate

 

[Shah.]

hello everyone and thanks for all your help.

 

[telectrix]

haha. you and me pete, both dead but won't lie still.

 

[Geordie Spark]

Shah, too much waffle and repeating the same stuff in different words mate.

I write in the hope of obtaining an Electrical Apprentice position with (company name) and I have enclosed my CV for your consideration.

As you will see, I have completed .....(list qualifications so far) and have gained some practical experience (if you have, if not miss that bit) working with...(list A COUPLE of employers as shown on your CV) and am very keen to commit myself to completing my training, I believe my attendance at evening classes on my own accord shows that.

I am highly responsible and committed towards work. I take direction well and understand that I am not ready to work on my own yet and that I need the guidance of qualified people.

If you require references please do not hesitate to contact me. I can be available for an interview at short notice (at any time makes people think you're sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring dressed in your best bib and tucker, you want to give the impression that you're out trying to make this happen). Thank you for taking time to read my Covering letter and going over my CV.

Your sincerely

electrical PEO level 1 and also I have completed my 1st year of apprenticeship
WTH is that and how can you have completed the first year of apprenticeship with no employer? That doesn't make sense.

The above isn't ideal but it's better than that load of auld cack you had. Keep it brief and to the point, if you waffle on your letter will go in the bin. Try having a trawl on the net for cv covering letters mate, there's bound to be some good ones out there.
Good luck.

So you're after the job as well son??

Pah!!! Ye've got nee chucking fance!

Love, Your Fatha.

 

[trev]

Aye Fatha, Aam sick o me gaffa. Aam the worst un aa iva had.

 

[Geordie Spark]

Shah, too much waffle and repeating the same stuff in different words mate.

I write in the hope of obtaining an Electrical Apprentice position with (company name) and I have enclosed my CV for your consideration.

As you will see, I have completed .....(list qualifications so far) and have gained some practical experience (if you have, if not miss that bit) working with...(list A COUPLE of employers as shown on your CV) and am very keen to commit myself to completing my training, I believe my attendance at evening classes on my own accord shows that.

I am highly responsible and committed towards work. I take direction well and understand that I am not ready to work on my own yet and that I need the guidance of qualified people.

If you require references please do not hesitate to contact me. I can be available for an interview at short notice (at any time makes people think you're sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring dressed in your best bib and tucker, you want to give the impression that you're out trying to make this happen). Thank you for taking time to read my Covering letter and going over my CV.

Your sincerely

electrical PEO level 1 and also I have completed my 1st year of apprenticeship
WTH is that and how can you have completed the first year of apprenticeship with no employer? That doesn't make sense.

The above isn't ideal but it's better than that load of auld cack you had. Keep it brief and to the point, if you waffle on your letter will go in the bin. Try having a trawl on the net for cv covering letters mate, there's bound to be some good ones out there.
Good luck.

I like that son - you kept it brief and to the point!

 

[Geordie Spark]

Aye Fatha, Aam sick o me gaffa. Aam the worst un aa iva had.

Tell me about it - I was the same.

I used to do daft things like 18 hour days for three weeks sometimes.

I think I just realised why I am now what is know as a burn-out!!

 

[Shah.]

So you're after the job as well son??

Pah!!! Ye've got nee chucking fance!

Love, Your Fatha. [/ i actually appreciate that cuz i know it helps. ]