- Reaction score
- 10,220
Andy there are occasional times where I would like to abuse my powers and the sheer droll level of this joke nearly had me deleting it ...but I resisted :lipsrsealed2:
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A new jokes thread for your amusement.
Discuss A new jokes thread for your amusement. in the Electricians Chat - Off Topic Chat area at ElectriciansForums.net
- Reaction score
- 10,220
- Reaction score
- 1,556
And then take a long walk off a short pier.
OP
Barry White
- Reaction score
- 67,285
this is aimed at paul.m and GMES. :sunny:
One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out:
Are you okay, what's your name?"
"Its Phil and I’m Okay thanks," I replied.
"Phil , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while
and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think
my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.
She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive . . . I was weak.
"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."
After a few restorative brandys, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host: "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."
"Don't be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile: “She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Under the cart,,,," I said . . .
One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out:
Are you okay, what's your name?"
"Its Phil and I’m Okay thanks," I replied.
"Phil , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while
and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think
my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.
She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive . . . I was weak.
"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."
After a few restorative brandys, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host: "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."
"Don't be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile: “She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Under the cart,,,," I said . . .
- Reaction score
- 10,220
You still opening Xmas crackers this time of year :joker:
- Reaction score
- 2,323
- Reaction score
- 997
1. Each player should furnish his own equipment for play - normally one
club and two balls.
2. Play on the course should be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course
owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until
the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so
may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon
arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time
to
admire the entire course with special attention to the well formed
bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played,
or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played.
Upset
course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this
reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own
protection.
10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly
scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first
time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover
someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume that a course is in shape for play at all
times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be
temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful
in
this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of
play when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush
around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and
approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before
attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily at the course owners
request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play
the same hole several times in one match.
club and two balls.
2. Play on the course should be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course
owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until
the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so
may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon
arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time
to
admire the entire course with special attention to the well formed
bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played,
or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played.
Upset
course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this
reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own
protection.
10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly
scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first
time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover
someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume that a course is in shape for play at all
times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be
temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful
in
this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of
play when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush
around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and
approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before
attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily at the course owners
request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play
the same hole several times in one match.
OP
R G
No more condoms for me then;
OP
Barry White
scientist have found that many women develop "Hoover Disease". After yrs of marriage, they begin to make a continuous whining noise but don't suck any more.
Last edited by a moderator:
OP
R G
Went to a party with a condom on my nose , when asked what I had come as I said F--- Nose...
OP
R G
Electric chair anyoneReply to A new jokes thread for your amusement. in the Electricians Chat - Off Topic Chat area at ElectriciansForums.net
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