Coronavirus - Keeping it light :-)

[Mike Johnson]

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[Mike Johnson]

Loved the wooden circular saw blade on the back wall.

 

[Mike Johnson]

Now who was the most inventive the plumber or the carpenter:

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[OnlQQker]

Highway Code Revised:

Cyclists are now instructed to ride in the centre of the lane.
As opposed to the centre of the poxy pavement......

 

[Dustydazzler]

Highway Code Revised:

Cyclists are now instructed to ride in the centre of the lane.
As opposed to the centre of the poxy pavement......

Be interesting to see old Doris on her bike casually cycling down the middle of the road with a 40 mile tail back in her wake

 

[Mike Johnson]

I bought ourselves a Tandem, which my OH did not like because it wobbled, so I converted it to a trike, now that does annoy motorists, but the good thing about it is hill starts, its stable from the off, both on the pedals and start.

 

[Mike Johnson]

Found this in the Fruit bowl this morning.

 

[OnlQQker]

Meanwhile.

Over At Parliament..

 

[OnlQQker]

"Do you know what speed you were doing, Sir?" asked the policeman.
"I do apologise Officer," I replied. "I've never used this road before, and I honestly thought it was an unrestricted zone."
"No you didn't!!" my wife protested. "We only live round the corner, you said you were putting your foot down because there wouldn't be any coppers around this late!"
"May I see your insurance?" the cop said grimly. "I've just renewed it," I assured him. "It'll be in the post, I'll drop a copy to the station next week."
"Actually," said the wife, "you were short on cash this month and said you'd leave it til you had the money. It ran out a fortnight ago."
I turned to her and snapped "will you keep your mouth shut, you stupid cow...." "Does he always talk to you like that, Madam?" asked the copper. "No," my wife replied. "Only when he's been drinking."

~Barry Cryer~

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[littlespark]

I saw a photoshopped image the other day with Sue Grey and Boris in a still from the Fifty Shades of Grey film.

And I brought up a little bit of sick….

 

[123]

 

[littlespark]

And everyone though the Tories couldn’t organise a ---- up in a brewery

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[OnlQQker]

Over in Russia...

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[littlespark]

vet/ taxidermist?
There’s one job that could lead into another…

“I’m sorry, mrs smith… there was nothing I could do for your apparently healthy budgie… I know this was just a check up… here’s the bill”

Sounds the same as:-

“I’m sorry, mrs smith… I can’t do any of the electrical jobs you asked for because, eh…. Um…. I would need to change your consumer unit to a metal one… yes. That’s it… mhmm… and your ehhh… cables are the wrong colour.. Needs a full rewire!…. Here’s the bill.”

 

[OnlQQker]

New Species Of Spider Found In Western Australia...

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[Julie.]

 

[OnlQQker]

Looking for a bit of advice... What's the best number of Roses to give the girlfriend for Valentine's Day? - 6? 12? 24?

Or the whole tin?





What's the difference between a £20 steak and a £55 steak?

February 14th...

 

[Julie.]

Worse than that, I told my husband not to bother with flowers this year.

So the pillock didn't get me any!!!!

 

[Julie.]

 

[Mike Johnson]

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[Julie.]

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[OnlQQker]

For Sale

Trampoline in good condition, £50.00 o.v.n.o

Buyer must collect!

 

[123]

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[123]

 

[Deleted account]

View attachment 95375

Not an individual to follow dont you think. definitely not welcome on this site I hope.

 

[Mike Johnson]

Tony Robinson1 or Andrew?

 

[James]

Plasterers voted best lovers in country – how does YOUR job rank? — The Sun

EXCLUSIVE

apple.news

apparentley we are in 2nd place of the U.K. best lovers.
was my wife smiling in agreement or trying to stop a laugh coming out when I told her?

 

[DPG]

Tony Robinson1 or Andrew?

Can't stand Tommy Robinson (you all know that's his brand and not his real name right).

Undecided on Andrew. I stil think she was just after the money to be honest.

 

[Deleted account]

Tony Robinson1 or Andrew?

Tommy Robinson nasty horrible….. need I go on. not Some one we should give post space to.

 

[Deleted account]

Undecided on Andrew. I stil think she was just after the money to be honest.

i definately think he shagged her. So if she was 17 it’s underage over there. Guilty.

Dirty old man comes to mind using a 17 year old girl like that, but not to sure she is an inocent victim in this.

some 17 year olds are pretry switched on, some are not so switched on and can be taken advantage of.

my gut tells me she was switched on and new exactly what she was doing, but I could be wrong which is why the laws over there in Virginia state it’s statutory rape under 18 To remove that doubt.

conclusion. Andrew is guilty in the eyes of the law, but in America a not guilty result can be bought.

 

[littlespark]

Nope. Andrew is not guilty in the eyes of the law, neither is he innocent.
Out of court settlement.

Her lawyer probably suggested it to avoid a long drawn out court case, to protect her from undue stress….
Not that that was a problem when she was telling the media all about it.

Ok, there’s a photograph of the two of them…. But any 17 year old is going to ask for a photo if the person is famous…. He may not have had a clue who she was.. or maybe he did. We don’t know, because the evidence, if any, was never shown to be there.

It’s just after the Epstein case that all this comes to light? Oh… he was a friend of Epstein was he? Must be of the same ilk then..

Same goes for all top of the pops presenters? Every glam rock star? Every Australian celebrity with a paint brush?

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[littlespark]

Sorry for this particular ear worm.

 

[123]

Not an individual to follow dont you think. definitely not welcome on this site I hope.

I don't follow anyone as not on twitter, facebook or instagram. I have more do in life, like post on forums.

Pretty sure the actual Tommy Robinson is permanently banned from twitter etc...unless sticking in a new username has worked for him...in which case Trump missed a trick and should have tried a new username. Like DonaldTrump1

 

[OnlQQker]

 

[Mike Johnson]

 

[Mike Johnson]

Sorry for this particular ear worm.

Anyone know who Rona is?

 

[James]

View attachment 95560

I have just paid her £2000 for her travel across Europe and another £5000 to bribe the security checkpoints.
she also needed a down payment on her rent for her new apartment in London,
I said I wouldn't pay for that.
but it is ok, all I needed to do was pay £3000 for the first month and £4000 for the security deposit.

she didn't need me to pay because she has the cash with her but cant transfer it because of bank problems.
so i have just had to send it to the landlord to look after until she arrives and then it will be sent back to me.

You see after gifting and lending her in the region of £14,000 she has promised that as soon as she is settled in London i will be invited to a party with a couple of her friends at her place to get to know each other.

so to sum it up, you have been taken for a fool, she doesn't need charity, she has plenty of money that she will give me back and 50% tip for helping her to arrange her move. (as soon as she can get her funds released from the bank) i am sure it wont take long!!!

 

[Mike Johnson]

Not that light, but thought I wold post it anyway.

 

[OnlQQker]