Things an Electrician would never say

[Burnt Fingers]

Of course <INSERT BUILDERS NAME> you can move the telephone points. Run the cable adjacent to some mains and pull as hard as possible so I have to cut a metre of sheath off to find some copper - after all I will have to verify it is now totally useless. And yes, I will help you take off the plasterboard.

 

[MarkieSparkie]

Please chuck as much thermal insulation as you like over my cables, down lighters and SELV transformers, it cut down on your heating costs

 

[MarkieSparkie]

I'd love to replace all the new cabling they've chewed madam, after all we wouldn't the mice in your loft to starve.

 

[MarkieSparkie]

Colour Blindness! No mate, the label says mixed colours in this installation, so I'll just wire it any colour I like where I like.

 

[Kamikaze]

No, Mr Health & Safety Officer, he didn’t accidentally fall off the scaffolding. There was a bit of confusion and the female apprentice misunderstood when he said "---- us off".

 

[Mr Mike]

No, Mr Health & Safety Officer, he didn’t accidentally fall off the scaffolding. There was a bit of confusion and the female apprentice misunderstood when he said "---- us off".

Ohh NO There was not !!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Kamikaze]

Now look here big chief, if you're going to make every job a matter of life or death, you're going to have a lot of problems on your hands. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot.

 

[richie8427]

oh you want to watch tv? i'll just move these sockets live then!

 

[telectrix]

of course you can have the main bonding cables in red to match the skirting board i'm going to clip to.

 

[Kamikaze]

Ahhhooww....I always suspected the shin bone was a device for finding furniture in the dark. That boy has the body by Fisher & brains by Mattel. I'm going to give him "wanna see some neat electrical Jedi tricks?" when I get my hands on him. I have seen the future, and he's never going to make it to Episode 7.

 

[mart8235]

your paying me too much!!

 

[baldelectrician]

Yes it does need wires as well

for builders
The time taken to pay is exactly the same time it takes me to type your certificate

Don't worry about these silly regs- your builder must be right - my mistake

i don't need into your fuse box thingy- i can turn the whole street off remotely by text to Scottish Power

That's not your daughers knickers in my apprentices tool box- theyre his, he's a cross dresser

I saw your wife- have 25% off with my sympathy

I need to check things before we start work- is your kettle working?

Youre telling lies the knickers behind the washing machine are yours- there are the same as the ones in your bedroom drawer

 

[ConorM]

Good morning Missus, I'm here to look at your box.....

 

[Kamikaze]

No madam, I wasn't using any of your personal fitness devices. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

 

[Kamikaze]

No madam, my idea of cleaning up after the job is to sweep the room with a glance.

 

[Kamikaze]

Yes madam, I am a representative of the company but my duties are largely ceremonial.

 

[Kamikaze]

I love paying tax so much, the sight of my part P registration form gives me an erection.

 

[Kamikaze]

Oh look, this is the first time we have seen but not heard the safety manager, it’s a shame we have to wake him.

 

[saabuldin]

Manager: You are going to this job today.

Electrician: Oh thats going to be a problem, youll have to call another electrician.

 

[Kamikaze]

Patience is not a virtue, it is a waste of time. Now give me my money!

 

[Kamikaze]

No Mr traffic warden, I've nothing against disabled people, I've even got one of their stickers on my car.

 

[Kamikaze]

I'm like Jesus, only better!

 

[simpson93]

i love it when people steal my tools.

 

[Kamikaze]

There is no point arguing with me about the bill Sir. It's like wrestling with a pig in the mud, after a while you begin to think the pig likes it. So just cough up!

 

[nelson19]

i love junction boxes

 

[Kamikaze]

No Sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to condemn as many installations as we like.

 

[Kamikaze]

Warning!.......You want a warning?.......Ok, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another shock.

 

[saabuldin]

i love junction boxes

I love junction boxes inside plastered walls

 

[andyemms]

So you want me to replace the fuse wire and reconnect that 4mm cable that has exploded in your consumer unit because the last electrician has changed your shower to a more powerful 9.5kw....

Yeah no problem! Just got to get my cowboy hat.......

 

[Kamikaze]

So you want me to replace the fuse wire and reconnect that 4mm cable that has exploded in your consumer unit because the last electrician has changed your shower to a more powerful 9.5kw....

Yeah no problem! Just got to get my cowboy hat.......

Lovin' it.....lol. Don't forget them spurs.

 

[Kamikaze]

You know, the red wire don’t come any redder than the one you just cut through.

 

[bugsy]

Yes of course we belive in cost effective engineering, thats why your cookers wired in 1.5mm and looped about a bit under your kitchen floor tiles

 

[Kamikaze]

If you put your fingers on those MCCB terminals, you’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.

 

[DavidJ91]

Here we are, some shiny copper wires for your switch to match the brass and wood furniture

 

[Kamikaze]

Relax, this is for your protection and I know the tiewraps are tight but they’re new, they’ll stretch after you wear them a while.

 

[Kamikaze]

No madam, electricians don't need qualifications. All we need is trust and a little bit of pixie dust!

 

[bugsy]

Mornin darlin my names Darren and I'm a knicker sniffer!

 

[Kamikaze]

At a job interview - "I'm so well qualified that if I don't get this job, it would prove that the company's management was incompetent."

 

[simpson93]

nah im a plumber i just do this stuff part time all just a load of wires isnt it

 

[simpson93]

i love paying to do my work

 

[simpson93]

i love long hard days without breaks

 

[mike2790]

here love, lick this and tell me if it tingles.

 

[DurhamSparky]

yes MR electric are the best around here!! best not use a cowboy like me!! lol

 

[Wiredspark]

Professional? Of course sir!!! But before you start telling me what work you need done, let me get my smoke packet out. I need something to write on.

 

[Kamikaze]

i love long hard days without breaks

Breaks are for continental wuzzies. Real electricians work right through.

 

[Scott F]

Enough already Lets Talk About Jesus

 

[Kamikaze]

I heard the difference between a capacitor and a resistor was in the taste. Is this true young apprentice?

 

[knasher]

"It's not only the price that will shock you............"

 

[JD6400]

Sorry if I do offend , moderators but we do occasionally use this one but only with our longest standing clients that are friends as well !

" We are a clear and transparent company , as in our name - DP Electrical Ltd . DP stands for Deep Penetration, because when you've had us you know you've been shafted!

 

[Kamikaze]

Good thing you weren’t here 20 minutes ago Sir. Boy, you really would have been pi55ed. Is it alright we used a couple of your ------’s? We’ll pay you back!