Things an Electrician would never say

[Kamikaze]

I used to have great customer focus, but customers have ruined that for me.:biggrin:

 

[RexT]

Hi Guys,

How about:- 'Look Lady the more questions you ask me about electrics and why your light doesn't now work or why there is a little bit of smoke from fuse box, the more the invoices are going to be'

Best wishes,

Rex

 

[Kamikaze]

Due to the downturn in the economy, I’m forced to sell my old collection of IET wiring regulations memorabilia, so that I can continue paying for my --- subscription. If your interested, please call 01582 *******. If Emma picks up, ask for Torchy the battery boy.



And I swear to god, I would wet my pants if anybody actually did it. :jester:

 

[Kamikaze]

During the day shift I don’t believe in ghosts. On the night shift I’m a little more open minded.:joker:

 

[Kamikaze]

To find my wires in the stud walls, I’ve never had to use the five point palm exploding heart technique that Pai Mei taught me, but for you my dopey plastering friend, I will make an exception.

 

[R G]

Customer asks what are your pastimes and hobbies ..

I go on this Electricians forum in my spare time and discuss things with other people because I don't have a life .....LOl....

 

[Kamikaze]

Customer asks what are your pastimes and hobbies ..

I go on this Electricians forum in my spare time and discuss things with other people because I don't have a life .....LOl....

One day this thread will be reclassified as a documentary….lol.

 

[bigbaddave]

I love plasterer's me

 

[tigerpaul]

I wish it was my job to fix that blocked urinal trap, and not the plumbers...

 

[tigerpaul]

I love giving part of my wages to bloodsucking agencies..

 

[tigerpaul]

Help your self to all my tools and equipment.. I've spent the last twenty odd years building it up so that we can ALL benefit and then you can chuck all your wages down the bog or up your nose..

 

[tigerpaul]

No of course I don't mind doing office paperwork at home in my own time.

 

[Kamikaze]

I don’t have time to explain my young apprentice. Get in the van QUICK!

 

[Darkwood]

I used to be a plumber :nonod:

 

[Paul.M]

I don’t have time to explain my young apprentice. Get in the van QUICK!

I bet that is not the first time you have said that Kam

 

[R G]

Speaking to trainee ,

No don't stop using your mobile phone on my account , and by the way you don't want to get those trainers dirty do you ...

 

[Paul.M]

So you want to pay me by monthly installments for the rewire. Sorry luv, this isn't cash converters.



(btw this must be one of the oldest running threads, almost 5 years old! I'll buy it a birthday card in September!!! keep it going lads, love all of these)

 

[Kamikaze]

I bet that is not the first time you have said that Kam

It should be the mantra for all electricians...lol.

 

[Kamikaze]

As far as I'm concerned the moron who suggested I should climb down from the trees has a lot to answer for.

 

[Paul.M]

It should be the mantra for all electricians...lol.

or "Free fire extinguisher with every CU change".

 

[Kamikaze]

or "Free fire extinguisher with every CU change".

Where I come from, we call them “Fire starters”.

 

[Kamikaze]

PAT testing is for failed sparks! (Tin had on….lol)

 

[Paul.M]

Customer "So, you fully know what you are doing then?"

reply "You know that saying 'Learn from your mistakes'... well after 10 years, 3 house fires, 2 deaths and 1 court order, we class ourselves as experts in our field."


actually said this to an annoying customer once, it did not go down well... whoops :rofl:

 

[Kamikaze]

Hmmm…yes…well…I know your vacuum suction machine is working backwards but for my feeble excuse you would have to look up “The Heineken Uncertainty Principle”

 

[Kamikaze]

Ohhh… Miss Clancy, "Who are you?" to "I love you!" in 3 seconds.:flowers:

　
　



　
Now going into hiding…pml

 

[R G]

Discussing the outline of work to customer;



Hmm , funny colours these are , red and black , never seen them before....

The guy at that training centre said I could speak to this forum thingy , will speak to them tonight , they're sure to help me , see you tomorrow morning dear...

 

[Paul.M]

Another one for you. The customer has a really strong middle east accent and the lady of the house, well lets just say her English is not 100% (fair enough), she gets the odd word mixed up.......


Me "I can do Tuesday or Thursday next week in the afternoon, it will only take a couple of hours to fit your new cupboard down lights."

Her "Cant do Tuesday but Thursday will be good after ""SWINGERS CLUB""

(Me and Doody Toody (forum trainee btw) looked at each other with the look on our faces to say WTF!!!!)

Me "eerrmm so Thursday is good after you get back from what sorry???" (school holidays btw)

Her "SWINGERS CLUB, every Thursday with the kids!!!"

Doody and I just broke out laughing at this point, could not help it. (mental picture appeared in my head, not a nice thought lol)

Me "Do you mean SWIMMING CLUB?"

Her "Yes...... what did I say?"

Me "SWINGERS CLUB with the kids".


The look on her face was priceless :rofl: and her husband (Doctor) just fell into a fit of laughter. We all had a good laugh about it. Two of the nicest people you will ever meet, now slowly becoming friends and not just working on his house. Popped in today to see what light fittings they want for the up coming job next week, ended up staying for an hour eating ice-cream and talking about stuff, great couple, salt of the earth.

Every time I go around to their house I always ask "are you going to the swingers club this Thursday". Always gets a reaction


Things an electrician would never say...to a customer, are you going to the swingers club :rofl:

 

[R G]

One nervous customer who wouldn't take in what you said , when discussing the job at the start.


John a adult trainee with me in the early 90s , he gets on his phone when customer was nearby and rings me in the kitchen , asks what colours go where on a twin socket ,customer lost it , still mention it to John today and have a laugh ..

Again with John we were given a mug of tea each , the house was the pits , we didn't know what to do with the tea, I was by the open front door , and threw the tea out of the mug into the garden , the guy turns round and says in an Asian accent , You no like my tea Ray, (he was sitting in the kitchen and I didn't see him) , John went red trying to stop himself laughing....

 

[Paul.M]

Just remembered another embarrassing situation. Things you should never say to a customer.....

Ages back I put power to the garage, outside sockets, security lights, changed over the alarm panel and RKP. Planned on finishing the works on the Monday but fell down some stairs and broke two ribs, the work was not that important (electrically) so agreed to leave it until I was able to claim ladders and crawl in loft spaces again.


3 months later I went back. Talking to the customer about the works and what will be done I paused for a second, look at her tummy and said "Well forget about that, how are you doing" whilst I were tapping my right hand on her stomach!!!

Her reply in a stern Arabic accent:-

"I'm not pregnant,,,,, I'm just fat"!!!!!!

Well you have never seen 2 electricians work as fast in your life. 2 hour job and we did it in 40 mins. God knows how quick I did a 3 point turn in that cul de sac and I apologize to the neighbors for the tyre tracks from the wheel spinning but I just had to get away from the dragon lady. Think I upset her lol :rofl:

 

[Kamikaze]

Another one for you. The customer has a really strong middle east accent and the lady of the house, well lets just say her English is not 100% (fair enough), she gets the odd word mixed up.......


Me "I can do Tuesday or Thursday next week in the afternoon, it will only take a couple of hours to fit your new cupboard down lights."

Her "Cant do Tuesday but Thursday will be good after ""SWINGERS CLUB""

(Me and Doody Toody (forum trainee btw) looked at each other with the look on our faces to say WTF!!!!)

Me "eerrmm so Thursday is good after you get back from what sorry???" (school holidays btw)

Her "SWINGERS CLUB, every Thursday with the kids!!!"

Doody and I just broke out laughing at this point, could not help it. (mental picture appeared in my head, not a nice thought lol)

Me "Do you mean SWIMMING CLUB?"

Her "Yes...... what did I say?"

Me "SWINGERS CLUB with the kids".


The look on her face was priceless :rofl: and her husband (Doctor) just fell into a fit of laughter. We all had a good laugh about it. Two of the nicest people you will ever meet, now slowly becoming friends and not just working on his house. Popped in today to see what light fittings they want for the up coming job next week, ended up staying for an hour eating ice-cream and talking about stuff, great couple, salt of the earth.

Every time I go around to their house I always ask "are you going to the swingers club this Thursday". Always gets a reaction


Things an electrician would never say...to a customer, are you going to the swingers club :rofl:

That’s nothing compared to the chaos the good doctor will be creating. Did you know? In a Dr’s handwriting tonsils and genit@ls look exactly the same.:biggrin:

　


　
Hey… I remember you from the dungeon. It’s me, gimpy Kamikaze.

 

[Kamikaze]

Could someone with a 1[SUP]st[/SUP] aid kit come to the salami slicer please?

 

[Kamikaze]

Step away from the toolbox and put down the Abu Hamza multi-tool.

 

[Paul.M]

Hey… I remember you from the dungeon. It’s me, gimpy Kamikaze.

I've got a really good one liner response but cant post it up in the chit chat room. PM sent

 

[Paul.M]

Ohhh… Miss Clancy, "Who are you?" to "I love you!" in 3 seconds.:flowers:

Now going into hiding…pml

Hoy, stop taking the mick out of D Skelton's girlfriend!!!!



Kam, can I hide with you your air raid shelter before he sees this? I'll bring 6 months worth of chocolate biscuits if you bring the tea bags and long life milk?

 

[Kamikaze]

Hoy, stop taking the mick out of D Skelton's girlfriend!!!!



Kam, can I hide with you your air raid shelter before he sees this? I'll bring 6 months worth of chocolate biscuits if you bring the tea bags and long life milk?

Yeah, I know he’s got the hots for her. You could see it in his eyes at that Parliamentary committee meeting.:tt1:

P.S.: Us Troglodytes have to stick together. Don’t forget to bring the flapjacks.

 

[Kamikaze]

Looks like we are going large today!

 

[Kamikaze]

Viewers with a nervous disposition may be interested to know that your internet is actually off and I am speaking to you from inside your head.:jester:

 

[Paul.M]

Gigalube,,,, really???? Kam dont be post up our weekend activities on the open forum. :nono:

 

[Kamikaze]

Gigalube,,,, really???? Kam dont be post up our weekend activities on the open forum. :nono:

Just prey we won’t run out of beer in the bunker. We might have to drink the stuff.:joker:

 

[dcelectrical]

Wow, you plastered over all the switches and sockets thats great me and the guy are gonna play a game, its a bit like an easter egg hunt, i would let you play but you have an unfair advantage.

 

[Kamikaze]

Hoy, stop taking the mick out of D Skelton's girlfriend!!!!



Kam, can I hide with you your air raid shelter before he sees this? I'll bring 6 months worth of chocolate biscuits if you bring the tea bags and long life milk?

Do you think it’s safe to come out of the bunker yet? If he is hiding in the forum dusty crevices with his little tiger tank, then this will flush him out.


Ohhh Emma…your eyes are so blue and deep like the ocean and whenever I look into them, I feel like diving in.:winkiss:

 

[R G]

Yes madam I am just popping out to the van to get my weapons of mass destruction ...

 

[Darkwood]

I just got this new tool belt...

Tell me 'Does my bum look big in this'

 

[Paul.M]

I just got this new tool belt...

Tell me 'Does my bum look big in this'

Looking good DW :lol:









(get your own back later mate )

 

[Darkwood]

Looking good DW :lol:

View attachment 29659

Oh! How embarrasing ..where did you dig that out from :/... it worries me a bit you google this stuff lol but could have been so much worse.

 

[Kamikaze]

This is the 1[SUP]st[/SUP] time I’ve pulled my wire.

 

[Paul.M]

Oh! How embarrasing ..where did you dig that out from :/... it worries me a bit you google this stuff lol but could have been so much worse.

The last Staff night out :rofl:


(have not had one yet btw folks)

 

[Kamikaze]

These 18V batteries really are the dogs danglies.

 

[Deleted member 78588]

Darkwood has a nice bum!

 

[shanky887614]

Darkwood has a nice bum!

paul you aint fooling anyone (i know all mods have access but we know its you)