Things an Electrician would never say

[RexT]

'You say you get a shock when you touch the cold tap and the hot together, but only if the fan is turned on and the radio has Chris Evans on it?
Well dont worry I can fix that, just listen to Radio 1 and by the way here is my bill.'
'I suppose you could be right, an original 1935 'screw in fuse board' and your grandfathers do it yourself wiring doesnt have to be changed because of your human rights also the 20 immigrant tenants havent complained'
Best wishes
rex

 

[catelec]

Yes Mrs customer, I always use B&Q for all my equipment and tools. Very good quality, staff give the best advice and always know what their on about.

I saw a recent vacancy at B&Q in Tamworth for an electrician to give 'professional' advice to customers!!

 

[Paul.M]

I saw a recent vacancy at B&Q in Tamworth for an electrician to give 'professional' advice to customers!!

Why send an electrician to do a plumbers job?

 

[telectrix]

i can do that job.my "professional advice" would be to give them my card.

 

[telectrix]

and on tea breaks i can nip next door to toys r us and test a few smoke generators.

 

[Paul.M]

and on tea breaks i can nip next door to toys r us and test a few smoke generators.

LOL. This week I'll be mainly putting up fancy garden lights, o/s sockets and power to a shed to feed a koi carp pond. Can I export pme? Think I'll start a thread .

 

[telectrix]

and fix a smoke machine alongside the koi pond, give a nice morning mist feel to it.

 

[jaresquire]

Smoke me a koi,I'll be back for breakfast

 

[telectrix]

koi kippers!

 

[nickblake]

Yes i can carry out and electrical condition report in every house in nottingham before lunch

 

[daiplayer]

u dont want trunking?....or chases? .....ok....let me just plant some t+e seeds in the cavity , be back in the spring.

Sent from my GT-S5830 using Tapatalk

 

[Kamikaze]

Ahhh Mr Plumber, first of all don’t worry about your ability as an electrician, it never stopped me. That green and yellow wire looks so much better now that you have disconnected it from the water pipe because it appeared not to do anything. Might I also congratulate you on the aesthetically pleasing waste pipe you have run across my socket boxes. You are a real credit to your profession. I must remember to thank you properly some day!

 

[cbw]

I fancy getting into solar pv...........

 

[Knobhead]

Yes i can carry out and electrical condition report in every house in nottingham before lunch

You can b****r off I’m doing that from my bar stool! The pub is above the castle so I can at least see most of the places from here.

 

[Paul.M]

I can't believe this thread of mine is still going!

Get it off your chest lads.

 

[Paul.M]

OOf course its not a problem rewiring your house whilst your kids are in the house on half term, that I can't use the sds because it gives you a migraine, that you want 25 extra sockets. No problem luv, I'll do it in the same timescale and without any extra cost.

 

[Kiers1970]

I can't fix it right now, I'll go on the tinterweb tonight and ask what 3 plate wiring is.

 

[lmdawson]

of course i can come straight away, ive been waiting for a call like this all day......

 

[MarkieSparkie]

Thank you for doing all the painting between 1st and 2nd fixes Mr Decorator. I particular liked the obliteration of all my green/yellow bonding cables with that tasteful shade of honey blossom pink.

 

[Kiers1970]

of course this 4 mm cable will run your new 10.5 kW shower fine.

 

[Knobhead]

Of course Mrs. Brown, there will be little mess to your lovely home.

View attachment 8568

 

[Paul.M]

Of course Mrs. Brown, there will be little mess to your lovely home.

View attachment 8568

Oh Tony you do not know how much your words and picture describes my last two weeks on a house rewire. I can't even use the sds unless she is out of the house and there has been a lot of chasing and drilling to do.

Anyway back to the thread:-

"Of course I can rewire your house without any noise, dust, damage to your decoration. After all I'm related to Harry Potter. Now where's my magic wand so I can put these cables in without spoiling you watching tv."

(i could say so much more but not on here I'm afraid.)

 

[steve-the-hat]

Of course it's connected to earth, you can see the rod in that window box.

 

[seb77]

"Those polish kitchen fitters were very helpful and saved me loads of time"

 

[rob@etc]

Yes love I can rewire the whole house in 1 hour ljust ike that nice Billy does on DIYSOS

 

[Kiers1970]

of course this 4 inch fan will clear you bathroom of steam instantaneously..... JEEESH. ( had this problem today) GRRR

 

[Knobhead]

Of course it's connected to earth, you can see the rod in that window box.

View attachment 9219

What more do you want?

 

[Kamikaze]

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

 

[trev]

Of course I don't mind your small children crawling round me while I'm changing your CU madam. Tell you what go get the 3 year old, he can sit on the stairs and ask why incessantly

 

[Kamikaze]

Am I an electrician? No madam, I've got too much respect for electricians to call myself one. I'm actually an actor. My forte is masquerading as an electrician down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what edition of the regs I'm working to. And currently there are a lot of requests for the 17th edition.

 

[hughesy]

i totally agree that you didnt connect that nice shiny new mk socket causing the fuse to blow, and i can tell its been in for 30 years.

i know that cable wasnt in the wall when you put that picture up it must of moved.

no i wouldnt like cash please can i have a cheque.

 

[hughesy]

no i dont have a torch or headlamp so we will have to leave it till morning when the sun comes up

 

[Doorman]

You don't need the yellow and black cable look at your hairdryer and light plugs just cut it off..

 

[RexT]

Hi Guys,

How about;

'You want to convert all your house to Solar power, Wind power and tidal power?
Yes no problem.
You also want me to guarantee it will be sunny and windy all day and night?
Yes no problem.
You also want me to fit it in half a day and charge you £20 a week on a finance deal?
Yes no problem.
You want me to work without a cup of tea and a biscuit?
Hang on thats where I draw the line......


Best wishes

Rex

 

[Dec]

Genius idea for a thread!

 

[Dec]

New game in the style off mock of the week. Things that an electrician would never say to a customer, gaffer or other tradesmen/person.

Quality idea

 

[Marvo]

I wouldn't have installed it that way sir but look....if the plumber says that 2,5mm cable spurred off the upstairs lighting supply is okay for that 9kw shower..... then it's fine by me and of course I can replace that 10A MCB with a 50A.

 

[trev]

Me? with all my hard earned qualifications and years of experience? Of course that guy at the pub has identified your problem without the use of expensive test equipment and yes, he obviously knows so much more than me

 

[steve-the-hat]

Of course I'll have a quick look at your 30 year old, 160 lamp string of Christmas lights, to find out which bulb has blown.

 

[Kamikaze]

My mind works like electricity. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

 

[simpson93]

i dont belive in miracels, i rely on them

 

[Paul.M]

Of course I don't mind doing a call out at 8pm on our staff Xmas p up after doing a 12 hour shift driving 300 miles round trip, any time boss. (you can tell I'm not bitter about it)

 

[mackers]

How i wish i'd trained as a plumber instead!

 

[trev]

No problem sir, just so you can watch Jeremy Kyle of course I'll work live

 

[RexT]

Hi Guys,


Call out for blown fuse in house on 24/12/11 at 11.13pm.....
'You wonder what the smell of whiskey and a burnt turkey dinner is from?
That's Sam my apprentice, he's specially trained and has been certified by the local college.
He is just trying out your cooker doing a pat test, and your decanter for insulation resistance - dont worry it is now in Amendment one of the wiring regs and its all part of the service.
We will give you the paperwork as soon as we get home.
Oh by the way heres the invoice'
Happy New Year...

Best wishes

Rex

 

[cjm500]

"No of course I don't need to turn the power off while I change your consumer unit"

"Yes that's fine - you go to Pakistan for 6 weeks and just pay me for your rewire when you get back"

"All those extras you've asked for then moaned about the rewire being behind schedule? Of course they're not on the invoice, I did them all for free!"

"No of course it doesn't matter that you've boarded your loft, put a laminate floor down and a bed and a wardrobe - why would I need to go up there?"

"Course it's safe - it's always worked OK hasn't it?"

"Yes I'd love to certify off your DIY rewire. No of course it doesn't matter that you've wired the shower in 2.5 off a 32A breaker and tapped the cellar lights off the kitchen ring. Bonding? No - never heard of it. Paying me? Just get us a pint when you next see us"

 

[trev]

How about

Happy birthday darling wife. Of course you can watch your new Westlife dvd ALL BLOODY NIGHT!!!!!!

 

[Kamikaze]

I wonder if there is a prize for "Meltdown of the week"? :biggrin:

 

[Knobhead]

watch your new Westlife dvd ALL BLOODY NIGHT!!!!!!

It was me that got divorced for unreasonable behaviour mg_smile:

 

[kenny james]

i am a plasterer by trade