Things an Electrician would never say

[andyemms]

"The way things are heading, it's just going to get 'harder'. Now, How do you want to pay?"

 

[andyemms]

No sorry mate, I don't do discount for cash, it still goes through the books....

 

[ipd1961]

Of course I am fully qualified. I did a 5 week online course

 

[RWJ]

Of course I am fully qualified. I did a 5 week online course

I did one and spent the first 3 weeks using the wrong end of the screwdriver!! Now I'm fully qualified and experienced!!!

 

[Kamikaze]

I'm enjoying my mid-life crisis. I've spend most of my money on women & beer. The rest I just wasted! Any chance of paying us up front for the work that’s got to be done madam?

 

[simpson93]

me no speak english.

 

[Kamikaze]

Bad planing on your part does not necessarily constitute an automatic emergency on my part madam.

 

[Kamikaze]

Yes Sir, you can talk to the electrician in charge, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the electrician in charge.

 

[Paul.M]

Ok, who the bloody hell put kamikaze in charge?

 

[BOROROBBO]

I doubt that wall ive just smashed up is asbestos........ but i'll let you know in 30 years or so!

 

[dim_bulb]

Sure you can have the down lights exactly smack bang where the joists are ...luckily i got my trusty chainsaw in the van

so Mr H&S inspector do you wana go for a drink tonight?

 

[simpson93]

i think im going to move to poland to work .

 

[dim_bulb]

yeah I got a number for complaints department you got a pen and paper?

0800 f off

 

[JD6400]

Of course i will drop by " while i am passing " and fix the fault " while you are here " .

 

[dim_bulb]

I get all my materials from B&Q, 10 meters of 2.5 t+e for £25 what a bargin!

who needs a £700 meter thats calibrated yearly when you can just lick ya finger

 

[JD6400]

I actually wanted to be a pilot but I'm colour blind !

 

[Kamikaze]

Hello, the number you have dialed for the emergency call out service is imaginary. Please rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again.

 

[Kamikaze]

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it Mr Customer. Now I know not to get the primary and secondary mixed up on a transformer. I will go and get you another lamp.

 

[Phil]

I need a lift in a police van cos my leg is nackered
(for those who may not have read it this is aimed at paul)

 

[paturback]

Thank god for the 17th edition Amendment 1 ,cant wait to buy my copy!

 

[deafboy]

Of course your right the green and yellow wire does nothing mate

 

[dim_bulb]

the brown wires earth yea... cos it looks like mud

 

[telectrix]

of course you can have the certificate now and pay me next month when you get your wages

 

[Paul.M]

You want me to sign up to do a marathon with you, of course I will no problem.

 

[scotsparky]

I love mondays!!

 

[Kamikaze]

After spending quite some time studying electricity at one of the world's finest engineering schools, it is satisfying to see that I can now only work by pointing and making monkey noises.

 

[telectrix]

kamikazi, you after a banana then?

 

[SMB]

.......I like my job and im not surrounded by idiots. The support im receiving is great. Thankyou.

 

[SMB]

........"Yes Mrs. Miggins, if it has a wire coming out of it then I can repair it"

 

[telectrix]

SMB , you don't so much need support as confidence in your own abilities. you know you can do it, know you can rise above them, stick it out till proven right, then you may get the support from higher up.

 

[Kamikaze]

kamikazi, you after a banana then?

The gaffers have offered to pay me in bananas but I kindly declined….lol

 

[telectrix]

i hate bananas anyway. when i was a bratt, rationing was finishing and we had bananas in the local greengrocers.my mother gave me one, never seen one before. as she was gossiping with other kitchen drones i ate it, skin and all, made me sick as a dog.

 

[millwall ken]

Please Please Please can someone take a shotgun to this post now!!!!

 

[Kamikaze]

Ken, this thread isn't over until the last electrician falls asleep....lol

 

[Kamikaze]

By God and my conscience, I paid so little attention, for my mind was so busy with so many things that, for the moment, I'd almost forgotten to bring my neon screwdriver.

 

[simpson93]

i get paid too much, im going to ask for less wages this week.

 

[kevyn]

Yes I'll listen to your wind and p**h..............your paying for it after all

 

[Kamikaze]

Yes madam, go down to your vault and tell the rest of your money to be patient, we'll be together soon.

 

[Kamikaze]

Most excellent Madam. Uh, one thought. Maybe it should be bang, bang, then kaboom. You know, sort of a grand opening finale, when we switch the lights on.

 

[deafboy]

yeah sure i will happilly come out and tell you whats wrong with it for nothing?

 

[Kamikaze]

There is always more current in a socket. But good luck finding it now that I've cut the wire out.

 

[Paul.M]

Come back kamikaze all is forgiven. Just thought I'd bring this thread back to life just to wind up millwallken . Sorry Ken.

 

[scotsparky]

Millwallken's the Happiest easiest going laid back spark you will ever meet!

 

[Electricalserv]

Yes, I accidently made all your electrics go off and I don't know what the hell I'm doing. But Il pretend I do.

 

[millwall ken]

Come back kamikaze all is forgiven. Just thought I'd bring this thread back to life just to wind up millwallken . Sorry Ken.

Thats alright mate, even talking/arguing with alarm man is a distraction for me from my eldest girl at the moment. She's being nothing but a pain in the butt. Constant back chat and non-stop complaints from neighbours - most of whom have seen her grow up from a baby. Any trouble round my way and its guaranteed that she's involved somehow. We're certain that she's not being bullied in school or is taking drugs, as shes' still doing really well in school. However, she will argue over anything and everything. Guess its just them horrible teenage years.

 

[millwall ken]

Millwallken's the Happiest easiest going laid back spark you will ever meet!

I am as it goes mate, I just call it how I see it.

 

[alarm man]

Thats alright mate, even talking/arguing with alarm man is a distraction for me from my eldest girl at the moment. She's being nothing but a pain in the butt. Constant back chat and non-stop complaints from neighbours - most of whom have seen her grow up from a baby. Any trouble round my way and its guaranteed that she's involved somehow. We're certain that she's not being bullied in school or is taking drugs, as shes' still doing really well in school. However, she will argue over anything and everything. Guess its just them horrible teenage years.

they all do that ken,my eldest was a little whatsit at times,just a phase man..now just studies and does as she's told..

ps.that avatar isnt good like..unless you like skrewdriver..

 

[millwall ken]

they all do that ken,my eldest was a little whatsit at times,just a phase man..now just studies and does as she's told..

ps.that avatar isnt good like..unless you like skrewdriver..

Ha ha, I came across it the other day. I was gonna pm you this morning to check out my new profile picture!!! Skrewdriver? No ta.

 

[alarm man]

Ha ha, I came across it the other day. I was gonna pm you this morning to check out my new profile picture!!! Skrewdriver? No ta.

its still wrong ken,i didnt put you down as that sort of guy,paints the wrong picture of you tbh i know your not like that,its nowt to to with communism either..

 

[millwall ken]

its still wrong ken,i didnt put you down as that sort of guy,paints the wrong picture of you tbh i know your not like that,its nowt to to with communism either..

No you're right mate, not if its associated with skrewdriver fella.