Things an Electrician would never say

[lmdawson]

yes I agree all the red wires and all the black wires must of been together like that before, I wonder why it isnt working anymore???

 

[Kamikaze]

Come back kamikaze all is forgiven. Just thought I'd bring this thread back to life just to wind up millwallken . Sorry Ken.

Just to keep it going....lol :tounge_smile:
You know you are an electrical jedi master when, you're drunker than you've ever been in your life and still know that the possibilitiy of successfully connecting up a one way switch is 3,720 to 1.

 

[Mr.Si]

I love it when concrete blocks are full of flint and I don't have a wall chaser...

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk

 

[simpson93]

i love paying for parking in london.

 

[Paul.M]

i love paying for parking in london.

I also love the "2 hours max and no return within 1 hour". Aaaarrrrhhhh

 

[redstss]

Iused to be a plumber , i need to isolate the supply , wheres the stop cock madam

 

[BlueToBits]

"Well, shall we see who can get there first? I will drop everything, reschedule all my appointments and drive 120 miles to replace this vitally important blown lamp and arrive on the doorstep at 5.00pm with with a set of ladders and a spare bulb, you put your hand in your pocket and arrive with a cheque for what you owe me. If you get there first, I'll change the lamp for free."

 

[Kamikaze]

Do me a favour, just hold those two crocodile clips for me while I have a look at what’s wrong with this button. :devilish:

 

[Kamikaze]

The length of a minute depends on what colour wire your holding. :wink5:

 

[shanky887614]

ok hold these two wires, i need to null the leads of my tester

for best results you attach one to each ear

 

[Marvo]

Not for me thank you, I'm allergic to biscuits and I don't like the taste of tea or coffee.

 

[shanky887614]

Not for me thank you, I'm allergic to biscuits and I don't like the taste of tea or coffee.

client: would you like a coffee
sparky: (that plant looks a little dry) yes please, no sugar

 

[stott]

I didn’t know you could fit so much crap under a staircase or in a loft shall I move it or f*** off home

 

[electromonkey]

Customer: So, how long have you been an electrician?
Electrician: Me? No, I'm a plasterer, I just like to have a go at electrics every now and then.

Try it with your customers. Some of the faces you see are classics.

 

[seprim]

Test your kettle ? Yes sure - I love PAT testing . . . . .

 

[telectrix]

Test your kettle ? Yes sure - I love PAT testing . . . . .

plug in, switch on. RCD holds in, water gets hot.... PASSED.

 

[Paul.M]

plug in, switch on. RCD holds in, water gets hot.... PASSED.

Tel you forgot the temperature taste test. Mines white with 2 sugars please luv.

 

[telectrix]

i like my coffe like my women, strong and sweet.

 

[shanky887614]

i like my coffe like my women, strong and sweet.

ill have two of what your having

electrician: yout cooker is installed just need to test it, ill be finished in 30mins
narator:30mins later
customer: whats that smell
electrician: pizza my lunch is ready

 

[slpotts]

of course mrs i'll have to do your rewire before your central heating is fitted so that i can lift the floorboards & leave them loose ready for the plumber... ;-)

 

[grimysparks80]

Do these snickers make my bum look big?

 

[Ryan_Moore]

Customer: Would you like a cup of tea and a pointless chat about my house?
Spark: No thanks love I must crack on

 

[baldelectrician]

Customer: I've seen you somewhere before?
Me: Yep, I was on Rogue Traders

Gets a hearty laugh, or a nervous laugh- depending on how well they know of you

 

[telectrix]

of course i' ll do you a periodic for £50, sir. just keep an eye on my van. i've left the engine running.

 

[Ryan_Moore]

Spark: So you want this metal fence connected with the mains in the street, seems reasonable to me, should keep the cats out
Customer: It is not things getting IN I am trying to stop....


*cries of help from other tradesmen in the distance*

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I mean if you REALLY want lights an sockets I can fit them, but I just don't see the point."

 

[oxocube]

"I've f***** up bigger jobs than this"

 

[truckster]

Nothing I can do that the fire brigade can't sort out......

 

[Paul.M]

Yes sir all my work comes with a 1 year grantee and a free fire extinguisher.

 

[RexT]

Hi guys,
How about:
'Great idea to use laminate flooring al over the house, it makes my job so much easier'
'Of course I have a spare wylex 2.7amp fuse / breaker in the van'
'Dont worry the smell of burning stops when the cables have bedded in'
'You don't need a certficate if the job is done after 6pm'
'Re wires normally take me and Mick a day, for a four bed detached house without using any trunking'
'I have got my own tools, its a pity I used to be a road sweeper'
'B&Q? Yep their little leaflets taught me every thing I need to know about electricds and brain surgery'
Best wishes
Rex

 

[RexT]

Hi telectrix,
Great, just brilliant!
Best wishes
Rex

 

[Paul.M]

"things an electrician would never say?" Telectrix your great, just brilliant. Sorry uncle Tel I could not resist that one. (1-1 after the "paul is 100 years old" post)

 

[Kamikaze]

Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I will get this draw-wire round these twenty 90* bends between two draw-in points! :tounge_smile:

 

[Kamikaze]

Don't mind me, I always strip my tat in bed.

 

[onions1066]

thanks for sending Me an I.O.U i didnt want the money anyway

 

[RexT]

Hi guys,

How about:

'It was as if it was only yesterday that I remeber my first day in college - yep it was yesterday and this is my first real job. Could you give me a hand with these books as I might need a bit of reading first'

'I don't think it is that serious, I have heard worse screams when people turn the lights on and bigger bangs for that matter'

'Don't worry I am fully insured and my insurance agent helps me fill in the forms, at least he did the last three houses'

'Sub contracting is quite normal Madam, now what was it you wanted: plumber, taxidermist, painter, scientist, lay preacher, ghost hunter or electrican?'

'Yes I do my own accounts. All I want you to remember is that cash is best and for technical / safety reasons I dont do cheques'

'I know you think it is a bit pricey to change a light bulb in your living room, but it is all this health and safety. It is the cost of the hard hat, high vis vest, googles, ear defenders, flame proofgloves, lanyard and scaffolding; not to mention the paperwork'

Best wishes

Rex

 

[Kamikaze]

Happiness is hiding and not been found by the boss or the client.

 

[Kamikaze]

God damn, I'm good enough to do this for a living!

 

[JD6400]

"Oh" why didn't you say that you did 6 months of a electrical apprenticeship 40 years ago , i would have got you to design the job from the start instead of me waisting all that time on such inferior design that you want changed to a totally out of date and illegal one now we are nearly finished .

 

[JD6400]

Or the other one , that i actually had !
Yes i see what you mean , your son obviously knows far more about all things to do with electrical contracting and rewiring your house than myself or any one on my company , being a aircraft service technician who does a bit of diy at weekends ! You are so right those metal switches and fittings don't need a earth , and we should just connect our new cable up to the two core orange flymo flex that you both pulled in when you built this death trap of a extension

 

[RexT]

Yes madam the problem is that it is all this green energy we are importing from Spain.
The tides out, (eddy currents) the suns gone in and theres no wind, so thats why your cooker grill is not working.
Of course fo £100 I will fix it.
Best wishes
rex

 

[Kamikaze]

That's why they call me Mr. Flash!

 

[RexT]

Hi Guys,

How about:

'Yes it is a struggle, thanks for asking me to quote on adding your new socket. I have driven 50 miles miles to give this free quote and am really pleased to hear that you were just thinking about it and your nephew just wondered how much he should charge you'

'No it is really no bother. I am so chuffed that your payment policy is £1 per week over 20 years, interest free'

'Yes I advertise in Yellow Pages and have got more work than I can shake a stick at'

'I charge £15 an hour and just love paying for all the damage you are stiching me up with'

'I have fixed the dodgy light in your kitchen so I guess I must be responsible for all the other problems your house has before I arrived'

'Paper is a good insulator taht's why I have paper mached your sockets and lights'

'Why use the correct tool when a hammer and nail works as well - pity about the leak'

'Its the plumbers / carpet fitters / neighbours cat that has caused this and by god I am going to make a packet'

'Dont worry your insurance company dont mind cowboys, I give you a receipt when I get home. My address? Yes its the roundabout at Milton Keynes'

Best wishes

Rex

 

[Kamikaze]

So.... tell me about your electrical problem madam, only this time more slowly. :wink_smile:

 

[Robinwood]

Thats a great share !

 

[Paul.M]

Hi Guys,

How about:

'Yes it is a struggle, thanks for asking me to quote on adding your new socket. I have driven 50 miles miles to give this free quote and am really pleased to hear that you were just thinking about it and your nephew just wondered how much he should charge you'

'No it is really no bother. I am so chuffed that your payment policy is £1 per week over 20 years, interest free'

'Yes I advertise in Yellow Pages and have got more work than I can shake a stick at'

'I charge £15 an hour and just love paying for all the damage you are stiching me up with'

'I have fixed the dodgy light in your kitchen so I guess I must be responsible for all the other problems your house has before I arrived'

'Paper is a good insulator taht's why I have paper mached your sockets and lights'

'Why use the correct tool when a hammer and nail works as well - pity about the leak'

'Its the plumbers / carpet fitters / neighbours cat that has caused this and by god I am going to make a packet'

'Dont worry your insurance company dont mind cowboys, I give you a receipt when I get home. My address? Yes its the roundabout at Milton Keynes'

Best wishes

Rex

Rex I agree on sooooo many of your points.

 

[Paul.M]

Sorry, you've had a second opinion from your uncle that knows an electrician who lives next door to his wifes ante that knows some one that knows about electricity and I'm wrong?

 

[Burnt Fingers]

I agree. Its your land, its underground, why would it need an earth.

 

[dcelectrical]

Zao shang hao, wow i didn't realise you could tap into the mains down there power you home irrigation and ventilation system, but i must say those plants seem to have so many buds on them, and by the way can you smell something it's making me a little light headed

 

[dcelectrical]

great, your dad fitted this consumer unit, i can confirm it is fully compliant with BS7671, if he wants to give up being a forklift truck driver he would sail through his training, in fact i don't even think he should bother with all that college stuff.

 

[Kamikaze]

I always wanted to be an electrician. I don't know how long I could've been a vet for, before I got bored and started shagging stuff.