Things an Electrician would never say

[grimysparks80]

Do these snickers make my bum look big?

 

[Ryan_Moore]

Customer: Would you like a cup of tea and a pointless chat about my house?
Spark: No thanks love I must crack on

 

[baldelectrician]

Customer: I've seen you somewhere before?
Me: Yep, I was on Rogue Traders

Gets a hearty laugh, or a nervous laugh- depending on how well they know of you

 

[telectrix]

of course i' ll do you a periodic for £50, sir. just keep an eye on my van. i've left the engine running.

 

[Ryan_Moore]

Spark: So you want this metal fence connected with the mains in the street, seems reasonable to me, should keep the cats out
Customer: It is not things getting IN I am trying to stop....


*cries of help from other tradesmen in the distance*

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"I mean if you REALLY want lights an sockets I can fit them, but I just don't see the point."

 

[oxocube]

"I've f***** up bigger jobs than this"

 

[truckster]

Nothing I can do that the fire brigade can't sort out......

 

[Paul.M]

Yes sir all my work comes with a 1 year grantee and a free fire extinguisher.

 

[RexT]

Hi guys,
How about:
'Great idea to use laminate flooring al over the house, it makes my job so much easier'
'Of course I have a spare wylex 2.7amp fuse / breaker in the van'
'Dont worry the smell of burning stops when the cables have bedded in'
'You don't need a certficate if the job is done after 6pm'
'Re wires normally take me and Mick a day, for a four bed detached house without using any trunking'
'I have got my own tools, its a pity I used to be a road sweeper'
'B&Q? Yep their little leaflets taught me every thing I need to know about electricds and brain surgery'
Best wishes
Rex

 

[RexT]

Hi telectrix,
Great, just brilliant!
Best wishes
Rex

 

[Paul.M]

"things an electrician would never say?" Telectrix your great, just brilliant. Sorry uncle Tel I could not resist that one. (1-1 after the "paul is 100 years old" post)

 

[Kamikaze]

Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I will get this draw-wire round these twenty 90* bends between two draw-in points! :tounge_smile:

 

[Kamikaze]

Don't mind me, I always strip my tat in bed.

 

[onions1066]

thanks for sending Me an I.O.U i didnt want the money anyway

 

[RexT]

Hi guys,

How about:

'It was as if it was only yesterday that I remeber my first day in college - yep it was yesterday and this is my first real job. Could you give me a hand with these books as I might need a bit of reading first'

'I don't think it is that serious, I have heard worse screams when people turn the lights on and bigger bangs for that matter'

'Don't worry I am fully insured and my insurance agent helps me fill in the forms, at least he did the last three houses'

'Sub contracting is quite normal Madam, now what was it you wanted: plumber, taxidermist, painter, scientist, lay preacher, ghost hunter or electrican?'

'Yes I do my own accounts. All I want you to remember is that cash is best and for technical / safety reasons I dont do cheques'

'I know you think it is a bit pricey to change a light bulb in your living room, but it is all this health and safety. It is the cost of the hard hat, high vis vest, googles, ear defenders, flame proofgloves, lanyard and scaffolding; not to mention the paperwork'

Best wishes

Rex

 

[Kamikaze]

Happiness is hiding and not been found by the boss or the client.

 

[Kamikaze]

God damn, I'm good enough to do this for a living!

 

[JD6400]

"Oh" why didn't you say that you did 6 months of a electrical apprenticeship 40 years ago , i would have got you to design the job from the start instead of me waisting all that time on such inferior design that you want changed to a totally out of date and illegal one now we are nearly finished .

 

[JD6400]

Or the other one , that i actually had !
Yes i see what you mean , your son obviously knows far more about all things to do with electrical contracting and rewiring your house than myself or any one on my company , being a aircraft service technician who does a bit of diy at weekends ! You are so right those metal switches and fittings don't need a earth , and we should just connect our new cable up to the two core orange flymo flex that you both pulled in when you built this death trap of a extension

 

[RexT]

Yes madam the problem is that it is all this green energy we are importing from Spain.
The tides out, (eddy currents) the suns gone in and theres no wind, so thats why your cooker grill is not working.
Of course fo £100 I will fix it.
Best wishes
rex