Things an Electrician would never say

[simpson93]

£900 to rewire your house? sure i can match that.
i quoted £2000 for a 3 bed bungalow and was told i was told i was trying it on.

900 quid for a rewire what a con, i would of done it for a pint and a packet of crisps materials included.

 

[gutterball]

seeing as they expected me to do it whilst they were still living there, and the loft was that full of crap i could only get my head up for a look, i thought it was quite reasonable.

 

[Guitarist]

Just remember... You get what you pay for.

 

[gutterball]

that's the trouble people want cheap.
i priced a job the other day for outside lights and gave them a range of prices. recommended a good quality light that would have lasted 10 or 20 years, but no they wanted the cheap ones that will probably be knackered after 5.

 

[sonobit]

Dont worry about us love, me and plasterers get along just great!

 

[Guitarist]

Of course it's fine to use my cable, knotted up, to hang your lead-lamp on.

 

[cogsey133]

Of course it's ok to use my snips to pull the nails out of that wall....after all thats what they are meant for!

 

[Vegelen]

Earth Bonding is always straightforward when you follow the regs.

 

[Plonker 3]

You are right, your bonding doesn't need doing. Glad you have a mate down the pub who does a few jobs on the side to put me right. Tell you what seeing as he has pointed me in the right direction I will match his price now.

 

[Guest111]

Course its ok for your son to have a bath after I,ve just pulled up the bathroom floor,I didn,t need to get in there anyway.(that actually happened) lol

 

[Geordie Spark]

Of course I can tell you which way your house is facing just by looking at the photograph you've posted on the Electricians' Forum sir.

 

[Vegelen]

Your Himalayan roof with Dorma windows will be perfect for solar.

 

[Kamikaze]

Please don't interupt me while I'm talking to the electricity.

 

[miserly]

That's it Madam,just keep the green and yellow string wet.

 

[tidyboiler]

No thanks, I won't have a bacon sandwich and a cuppa...........

 

[MarkieSparkie]

Of course your house doesn't need a rewire madam, when you can just get Buffalo Bill from the Darby and Joan club to 'Tune it in' for you for £20.

 

[Paullestrange]

Q Whats Grey Crispy and hangs from the ceiling. Your Husband if he carrys on wiring lights that way

 

[keniff]

Of course it's fine to use my cable, knotted up, to hang your lead-lamp on.

Lol!....

 

[Kamikaze]

I won’t be on site for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Steve. :winkiss:

 

[Kamikaze]

Chaos, panic & disorder. My work here is done!

 

[MarkieSparkie]

Your little Billy's new green and yellow skipping rope seems to have created a new trend in town all the kids are now getting them. How clever of you to think of cutting off the main bonding conductor that was clashing with your new decorating scheme Sir.

 

[Kamikaze]

Thank you for your quote request. Your credit card has been charged £5.99 for the first 10 words and £1.99 for each additional word in our reply.
Yours sincerely,
We have the shirts off your back electrical services

 

[Vegelen]

I just need to temporarily increase the resistance in this 240V circuit.

If you could take hold of the brown wire with your left hand and the blue wire with your right,

I'll temporarily turn this circuit on.

You might experience a brief sensation.

Dont worry it wont affect your pacemaker, everything will be fine.

 

[James Dalby]

The plumbers done a fantastic job of wiring that shower up!

 

[Swicade]

I've given up tea and coffee while on site so i'll have to decline that cuppa

 

[dcelectrical]

no no i know i quoted your job 18 months, i can get the 4 guys there for 8am tomorrow to start your rewire, don't worry we will move all the furniture and i think i can knock around 30 per cent off the quote, no the grandkids and your two little yappy dogs shouldnt get in the way

 

[Paul.M]

I think we should have a 3000+ forum...... Only joking Dan :rofl:

 

[bigbaddave]

Due to the condition of your wiring I have had to remove your RCD, Dont worry though they were only manufactured so that they could create a new edition of the wiring regulations. If you are still receiving shocks from that light fitting can you call me once your cheque has cleared.

Yours Sincerely
Fuse it and run Electrical Services

 

[cogsey133]

The only bonding you need to do is with H69!

 

[tidyboiler]

I promise I will be there tomorrow at 9.am or I will give you my van and all it's contents.

 

[Elmer BeFuddled]

Me to customer "Me? Monday morning blues? Nah! Never! Of course I'm glad the plumber maintained the integrity of your joists by using my holes for the radiators flexi pipes and in the process wedged the cables so tightly in the holes any heat transferred to the cables will not give them the chance to sag onto your ceiling boards."

 

[telectrix]

of course you can buy your own CU from b&q for £55 and i'll fit it for the same price as they quote, £499+VAT, less the £55. get in there.

 

[Paul.M]

I want to be an orange shed cu fitter. It sounds so easy the way they do it!

 

[happyhippy68]

10kw shower, no problem on the existing 4 mm supply buried under 200mm of insulation.

 

[Paul.M]

10kw shower, no problem on the existing 4 mm supply buried under 200mm of insulation.

..... on a 40A mcb, no RCD, not a problem.

 

[happyhippy68]

..... on a 40A mcb, no RCD, not a problem.

.......We have always done it that way!! Never had any problems before!

 

[SPARTYKUS]

Just had a builder on the phone, asking me why a light his dad has wired won't switch off, kept me on the phone ages while I explained over & over again how futile it was & how he needs a....SPARKY to look at it. Then 10 mins later talking through another job he said "its not rocket science ay' it" so I said


You'll be alright with that light you cant fix then

 

[markc123]

I don't believe in earthing, so i refuse to connect them.

 

[Elmer BeFuddled]

Bell wire is so much easier to work with in a 3 plate lighting set up. Glad you suggested that

 

[Elmer BeFuddled]

It was only the fuse. Buy us a pint next time you see me.

 

[lodmoorhill]

CUSTOMER: I've just rewired my house. I need you to do me a certificate.

SPARKS: Have you any type of qualification to carry out this work?

CUSTOMER: No.

SPARKS: Have you informed Building Control?

CUSTOMER: No.

Do you actually even have a copy of BS7671?

CUSTOMER: No.

SPARKS: Have you any experience of this type of work?

CUSTOMER: Well, I used to be an odd job man in Venezuela, so I know a bit about about wires and stuff.

SPARKS: Why didn't you say so before? Can't see any problem with that, I'll be round in 10 minutes with a certificate. Fifty quid cash sound o.k.?

 

[lodmoorhill]

So........, just to recap, you managed to clear the fault by cutting the "green and yellow bits" out of your entire lighting circuit? Have I got that right, Sir? What an inspired genius you are!

 

[Elmer BeFuddled]

"Let me get this straight. You want me to spend £15 in petrol to deliver you 4 cans of Carling? So whats in it for me? Oh I get to sort through the knicker drawer. On me way!!"

 

[AV-Nik]

Just Stretch the cable

 

[AV-Nik]

test it with your tongue, like a 9v battery !

 

[Elmer BeFuddled]

test it with your tongue, like a 9v battery !

RSPCA will have me for this but my dog saw me doing that, so he wanted a taste. The battery he licked was a good un!

 

[Kiers1970]

of course I trust tradesmen with Ryobi/Black and Decker/Green Bosch tools, come and work for me.

 

[MarkieSparkie]

of course I trust tradesmen with Ryobi/Black and Decker/Green Bosch tools, come and work for me.

We had a gay customer who insisted that because he was spending pink pounds all tradesmen had use the Makita pink range of power tools, the contract was substantial so the guvnor bought complete new kits for everybody and charged them to the client.

 

[Geordie Spark]

Yes Harness69 ... of course I'll e-mail you pictures of me meat & two veg.

 

[tidyboiler]

Yes Harness69 ... of course I'll e-mail you pictures of me meat & two veg.

Shall I send him my copies? :drool5: